No matter what anyone might say, putting lipstick on a pig doesn’t change the fact that one is still dealing with a pig. And that’s very much the case with this dismally failed attempt at smart horror from writer-directors Scott Beck and Bryan Woods. When two naïve Mormon missionaries (Sophie Thatcher, Chloe East) visit the remote home of a creepy, loquacious middle-aged loner (Hugh Grant) in an attempt to convert him, the trio launches into a protracted conversation about the nature of “the one true religion.” To a certain extent, it’s an intriguing philosophical discussion – at least for a while – until it gradually descends into a series of longwinded fits and starts characterized by disjointed, unrelated, unresolved segments that try viewer patience. The dialogue increasingly amounts to a series of overwrought contrivances undermined by implausible character development, particularly among the two supposed innocents who begin spouting lines that are difficult to accept in light of their supposedly gullible, unsophisticated nature and narrow worldview. But then, in a desperate attempt to retain fading audience attention, the picture degenerates into little more than a meandering slasher movie, albeit with better production design than one typically finds in such fare. What’s more, this offering’s exasperating script heavily “borrows” from an endless stream of religious, philosophical and cinematic sources, one even suggesting that this could turn into the second coming of “The Butterfly Effect” and “Matrix” franchises. And, while Grant and his co-stars genuinely deliver more than capable portrayals of the three principals, even their performances aren’t enough to cover the inherent weaknesses of this material, no matter how much lipstick is applied to it. Considering the foregoing, I’m truly mystified by the much-celebrated response this offering has been accorded given its tiresome narrative and pretentious, largely pointless overall direction, an experiment that just doesn’t work. As a fan of the smart horror genre and its aim of elevating the content of more classic releases in this area of cinema, I’m seriously disappointed that the inspired creators of “A Quiet Place” (2018) haven’t come up with something better here, an outcome that’s definitely heretical in itself.
