So imagine that the Roman Empire survived the turbulent treacheries of the original Caesars and made it to third millennium. (New) Rome has miraculously relocated to the United States (of course the greatest country the world has ever known) and the city is run by mayor "Cicero" (Giancarlo Esposito). He's not without his detractors, though, and one of them is the ambitious "Cesar" (Adam Driver) who has ambitions to reinvent their city, Nero-style, by demolishing the run down slums and replacing them with an idealistic utopia constructed of his new, eternally lasting, "Megalon". The city's vested interests are lined up against this young man though, all except the mayor's daughter "Julia" (Nathalie Emmanuel) who has taken a bit of a shine to the ambitious "Cesar" - and that's much to the chagrin of his previous squeeze "Wow" (Aubrey Plaza) who decides that she will seek some vengeance by marrying the enormously wealthy, and aged, "Crassus" (Jon Voight). Add to this already rather cluttered mix, the personality of "Clodio" (Shia LaBoeuf) who is determined to bring down "Cesar" and see himself in public office - and inherit the "Crassus" fortune, and we have the makings of an internecine intrigue that ought to have made Suetonius and Machiavelli blush. Instead, well, we get a rambling drama that hasn't a clue where it's going - nor for whom it is for. It tries to mix a bit of the ancient Shakespeare (and Marcus Aurelius) into the dialogue to lend some gravitas and sense of history to the plot, but for the most part this is just a confused mess of a film. It's a toss up between LaBeouf as the the over-the-top, hammy, "Clodius" and Voight's doddery old gazillionaire as to who takes what acting plaudits there might be here, but the rest of the cast look like fish out of (CGI) water and though the production makes the odd to nod to cinema history - there's a tiny bit of Fritz Lang here, I though - the rest of this comes across as an ill-inspired vanity project for Francis Ford Coppola that can't decide if it's "Romeo & Juliet" or "Spartacus" and in the end doesn't deliver the potency, emotion, intensity or humour of either. It is a good looking film and the production designers have imaginatively created a city-scape that is ripe for the story, it's just that the story isn't ripe for the audience. It does need to be seen on a big screen, but be prepared to be underwhelmed as it starts strongly then simply peters out into a wordy melodrama with a few clumsily delivered messages about the nature of greed and the fecklessness of humanity lightly woven into the weak storyline. Beware, it ends tentatively enough to scream sequel at us, too!
