Provided You -SURVIVE- All The "OVERKILL🤮 Mud & Slime, & The HUNDREDS Of Bugs|Bees🐝 IN The Slime" . . . . . . . You'll Find That The Film's Long, Enthralling Buildup🌺, And Its Eventual GRAND FINALÉ . . . Are Indeed . . . Absolutely, Positively SPECTACULAR💥😃 .
A "Good, Old Fashioned", -{ B I G }- Screen Full Length Review . Viewed around August 02, '21 .
Frank Wolff : " Hey , McGregor ! . . . Had a girlfriend once, she was cross-eyed. Didn't work out. We could never see eye to eye ! " .
1. " What A Ride 👏❗" : This is a journey filled with Colour, Beauty, Awe, Drama, Massive-Spectacle, but Most of all , " T O N S . . . OF HEART " . And then of course, there's all the Humour. Now, I like to think of myself as a person who has a ( fairly ) high bar when it comes to the funnies, so I just -have- to say, Dwayne Johnson's 'Frank Wolff' delivers so MANY -{ GENUINELY }- RIB TICKLING 'SPUR-OF-THE-MOMENT' PUNS in Jungle Cruise ( 'J.C', for short ), that I -Honestly- couldn't help but get "drawn in", & to the fullest, at that . . . almost 'Every-Single-Time'. Not to mention all the masterfully executed Slapstick humour 😂 { a little taste of which is in the movie's -"Official Trailer 1"- ( August 2020 ) }. All in all, expect Two-hours-and-seven-minutes of Non-stop " Lavish, Wholesome, -FAMILY - " entertainment .
2. So, Does He Still Charm, Endear, & Delight ? Short answer : YES . . . he can , & -Does- , still ( well and truly ) "Rock" The Boat. HOWEVER, I sincerely urge you not to expect any particularly 'Oscar-worthy' sort of performance from 'The Man' himself, Mr. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Meaning { things like } : you're just going to get the 'Same-Old', run-of-the-mill American Accent from him yet again . . despite him playing the role of a Spaniard . . living in -Brazil_. ( Although to be fair, this was almost Certainly a directorial-Call by the picture's absolutely OUTSTANDING 🌠 Director, Jaume Collet-Serra ; for reasons I -Shan't- disclose, for fear of giving away 'too much' ). Simply -{ Expect }- to see him put in a "Thorough & Dedicated Performance", with a few impressive "Surprises" sprinkled in to the mix, for what it's worth. And inasmuchas the sister-brother duo of Emily Blunt's 'Lily Houghton' & Jack Whitehall's 'MacGregor Houghton' are concerned, ready yourself for an incredibly 'FUN' journey with these two "Effusive, mega-Talented Stars ", and veterans of Film and Telivision, respectively. In the "nascently Post-Victorian" setting of J.C, you are likely to find theses two characters to be nothing less than "sheerly " . . . ADORABLE, CHARMING, & DELIGHTFUL.
3. "Jesse Lon Plemmons" Was The Marvellous "Shock "... of this huge movie { well for -Me - _ ateast, that is to say }. He portrays the tyrannically _'Monstrous'' German "Prince Joachim : your worst nightmare straight outta World War 1 ", in Jungle Cruise. In real life, he's the partner to bubbly, adorable global 'Giga-star', Kirsten Dunst { ALL the 'Spiderman' films ( the ones with with Tobey Maguire, that is ) 2002-2007 }. So here's the thing. Not much having been a big afficionado, for the most part at least, of the whole 'Breaking Bad' thing, { arguably his first 'REALLY, REALLY' big-break ( as 'Todd Alquist', 11 Episodes, 2012-2013 ) }, I'd somehow managed to let his "WHOPPING💥" Sixty-Three Acting Role Career ( Thus-**far, at least ) ; somehow slip under the radar, with the sole exception being his ( relatively ) "Diminutive" -yet "tremendously enjoyable"- part as the genuinely likeable 'Jimmy -Ordy- Ord' in 2012's massive blockbuster, 'Battleship'. And Now, to see him { almost as though } "coming out of nowhere", take on this Way larger-than-life kind of part ; & play it with Utter, Consummate , **" C L A S S " . . . . ( oh, & don't even det me -Started- about his German Accent ). . . . suffice to say that his performance was 'Gloriously, Gleefully And Mischievously', well . . . . " IMMACULATE " .
Summation : It certainly bears mentioning, just before you & I part ways ...that I actually -went- on the "REAL-LIFE CRUISE" ( that this veritable cinematic gargantuar gets its name from ) at the "ANAHEIM"-Disneyland... with my late, & Super-Beloved Dad 💙, on his 50th Birthday. Only problem is, I was very much younger at the time, & can -Barely- remember it. So, needless to say, this picture had a very special resonance for me. And indeed, if not for the all the titularly referenced, "GROSS-OUT" Mud|Slime|Bees, I might just have given this film my { trademark ;) } 12 or -even 13- out of 10, ( reserved -Exclusively- for films that I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY enjoy ). However, as that stuff -DID- actually bother me a fair bit, ( SORRY, BUT THAT'S JUST -ME- ) . . . It's going to remain a Solid 10 Marks Out Of 10. Still " not too shabby , eh " . . . " Wouldn't 'Ya Reckon 😅 💥❓" .