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over 3 years ago

The Old Guard

a review by 5rJoud

Unwatchable

This B-movie directed by an amateur has a horrible soundtrack you only will find pleasing when you never had the chance to develop a taste.

The super star you love from Fury Road has a boyish haircut that makes her even more unlikable than a missing limb and baldness.

One of the opening scenes is her (Charlize Theron's) buddies betting on her being able to name the ingredients of a piece of pastry she eats. Who cares? Not me. Does it do something for the plot, story, or character development? Of course not. There is no meaningful dialogue either. Nothing makes the viewer want to find out why these people have Wolverine's healing powers.

Here is a tip for making a scene believable: When a crew of mercenaries gets shot down in an ambush and starts moving again in a room full of enemies, one will notice. And a lot of gory head shooting would ensue. Not a melee dominated by wonky pseudo martial-arts, which unfortunately was depicted.

Not even an extra star due to production value for this hot garbage.

12 July 2020

I am migrating my reviews from a different site which has become simply garbage. TMDB looks awesome and I look forward to be a part of it.