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over 3 years ago

Zack Snyder's Justice League

a review by iselates

I don't understand why people are getting so horned up over this movie. It's got the exact same plot as the theatrical cut, but it's longer and more drawn out with unnecessary slow-motion and scenes that any editor worth their salt would have cut out (like Aquaman's Icelandic singers). And what we're left with?

Darkseid gets his ass kicked and then forgets he was ever on Earth. Hardly anything spectacular.

Steppenwolf's armor now looks like something designed by early 90s Rob Liefeld, which is not at all a compliment.

The Cyborg stuff was pretty good for the most part, although the sequence with the single mother was just as pointless as Whedon's Russian family and there was absolutely no logical reason why his father had to sacrifice himself. But Snyder is a fan of fathers sacrificing themselves when there is absolutely no logical reason for it (see Jonathan Kent in Man of Steel).

So what else is there?

"Superman wears the black suit!"

Okay...and...? It's just a black version of his usual suit, there's no story reason why he wears it, and it looks like Snyder intended for him to keep on wearing it. Which is stupid and doesn't fit that character at all. And amusingly enough, I see some of the people freaking out about this who in the 90s would have lost their shit if Tim Burton's black-suited Superman movie ever got made.

We also have Wonder Woman splattering bad guy brains over walls and vaporizing people RIGHT IN FRONT OF LITTLE KIDS! And once Steppenwolf is clearly defeated, Superman heat visions off part of his head FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON OTHER THAN CRUELTY!

This is what people are all pumped up for? To see Superman and Wonder Woman go all Abu Ghraib on people?

Oh, and we get the Martian Manhunter. Who clearly knows everything that's happening, BUT DOESN'T LIFT A GODDAMN FINGER TO HELP OUT! Martian Manhunter, it should be added, IS ABOUT AS POWERFUL AS SUPERMAN! But does he turn up at the Batcave to say, "You could probably use my help"? No, he just hangs back, impersonates Martha Kent, and then only shows up to offer his help AFTER THE THREAT HAS BEEN DEFEATED! Gee, J'onn, maybe we could have used you back when Steppenwolf WAS FLAT-OUT MURDERING PEOPLE! This movie takes one of the greatest Justice Leaguers of all, a character who has always been a model of selflessness, and turns him into a coward who sits on the sidelines.

And then of course we get the Knightmare sequence, where we get to be subjected once more to Jared Leto's absolutely godawful Joker performance, Batman drops an F-bomb because idiot fanboys with the emotional maturity of a 12-year-old think that's "badass," and Snyder basically riles up his little cult so they can start harassing people about #RestoreTheSnyderverse.

This whole endeavor was nothing other than a reward for the absolute worst and most toxic elements of fandom. And now that they've gotten this victory? They're going to be ten times as awful. Because now they've had their tactics validated.